Doorknobs

Recently, I found out that lights that come off/on when you clap are a real thing. I have two problems with this.

The first, and least important one is that clapping already serves another purpose in our society. Imagine playing Monopoly with your family and the owner of Park Place finally gets Boardwalk as well. Certainly, that is a feat worthy of applause. Suddenly the house seems haunted as the lights start flashing violently on and off. Meanwhile, the unfortunate owner of Marvin Gardens swipes 3 $500 bills from the bank to save their skins.

Not that I speak from experience.

The second problem I have with this new invention is that it could have been put to much better use. The real problem in our society, is not being forever forced to turn off and on lights, but the opening of doors.

Doors are famous for sequestering germs from the insufficiently washed hands of everybody who uses them. What is more, while everybody remembers to blame them at some time during a flu outbreak at work, nobody seems to remember to wash them. How much sickness could be prevented by developing a door that opens when somebody claps!

Yes, I take issue with labeling a refusal to touch doorknobs as OCD!

To be sure, there would be some annoyance in having a door opening and shutting constantly when applause are in order. However this could be easily remedied by simply locking the door when it needs to stay shut for an extended period of time .Though at first thought, it would be moderately annoying to have to lock the doors every time you watch a video, it has a rather brilliant side effect. It would remind people to lock their doors, a key habit in preserving order and safety. With any luck, I would no longer have to go around opening my neighbor’s unlocked doors and locking them.

If I were any sort of engineer or businessman, I would undertake to implement this idea into society immediately. However, as one cannot patent a mere idea, nothing would make me happier than to have someone steal it and put it to good use.